Low Self-Esteem: The Enemy of Democracy
In "Adventures of Benjamin the Bus," Benjamin's self-esteem plummeted around other cars that were faster, fancier, or had the latest high-tech gadgets. Benjamin withdrew from the world in shame when these cars would bully or pick on him. Because he felt so inadequate, he played it safe and kept to himself on the road, remaining mired in his limiting beliefs. It wasn't until he picked up three hitchhiking spiritual masters did Benjamin learn that the cars which had harassed him also suffered from low-esteem and self-hatred. These cars went to extremes to alter their appearance to seek out approval, and because no amount of adoration could fill up their empty tanks, they resorted to bulling other vehicles that were different and didn't possess modern looks and accessories.
Self-esteem issues are widespread. They not only affect individuals, but can collectively affect the behavior of an entire population. In her book, "Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem" (1993), Gloria Steinem writes " . . . self-esteem plays as much a part in the destiny of nations as it does in the lives of individuals; that self-hatred leads to the need either to dominate or to be dominated; that citizens who refuse to obey anything but their own conscience can transform their countries; in short, that self-esteem is the basis of any real democracy." To understand this more deeply, lets first understand the roots of healthy self-esteem and where it goes awry to produce shameful inadequacy.
Self-esteem begins in infancy when a baby's cries are first responded to by an attuned caregiver. The baby feels loved and valued because his needs are met with responses that are satisfying, pleasurable, and sensually soothing. When he looks into the eyes of his adoring caregiver, the baby sees his own reflection mirrored back, causing him to feel safe, secure, and welcome in the world. In time, as the baby begins to crawl and later walks, he will naturally seek out more stimulation. If the baby's need for exploration and curiosity is met with the caregiver's encouragement and reassurance, he will pursue increasingly difficult challenges, and he will learn to take risks for the sheer joy of it. At this most fundamental stage of self-esteem development, the baby first experiences what it is like to be loved and valued just for being who he is, establishing the foundation of his sense of self.
The next stage of self-esteem development takes place in childhood when new abilities are acquired and more rewarding and competitive tasks are sought after. If the child already has a fundamental sense of being loved and valued from infancy, he will be more likely to explore his environment and seek out stimulation, learning and discovering what he is good at. If his environment is supportive of his endeavors, his self-esteem will continue to blossom and he will feel more valued and loved for who he is. Furthermore, he will develop more confidence in his perceptions and intuition as a separate sense of self.
Self-esteem is most impacted in the first stage of development, when there is misattunement and a deficit in mirroring. The infant may never develop a cohesive sense of self and will grow into an adult that fragments easily, losing himself in others and not being able to distinguish his needs and desires from those of the people around him. Furthermore, not having a solid sense of self, such an adult will be cut off from his own inner knowing and perceptions about the world, having little understanding or connection to his intuition and the larger field of higher consciousness around him. It will be easy for such an adult to depend on others to tell him how to think and be in the world. He will gravitate to authoritarian figures and will be more more likely to go along with abhorrent acts without questioning them, or he will become this kind of totalitarian figure himself, demanding complete obedience and instilling fear in those who question him. Either way, he finds the means to shore up his low self-esteem by some form of extreme overcompensation.
Yet, self-esteem development is on a continuum. Even when there is adequate caregiver attunement and mirroring in the first stage, deficits in self-esteem may arise when support and reassurance is withheld as the child discovers his own unique talents and abilities in the second stage. If the caregiver is threatened by his burgeoning independence and new self-interests, the caregiver may disapprove or shame the child, downplaying his curiosity. The child will take on a "false self" in order to please the caregiver, avoid punishment, and earn approval. Such a child will grow into an adult that aims to please others and is always seeking out praise. However, this adult is a needy bottomless pit that can never be filled. No amount of admiration, possessions, power, or external reward is enough to make him feel worthy. At the core, he feels fraudulent and completely disconnected from his sense of self. Such injuries to self-esteem cause depression in many adults, and in the worst cases, malignant narcissism. In the later, the child learned to split off his vulnerable sense of self and construct an inflated, grandiose false self in its place to perserve needed ties to the caregiver. A narcissist acts as though he is superior to everyone, demanding loyalty and continual adoration. However, unconsciously, he feels inferior and has very low self-esteem. A malignant narcissist is always competing with everyone. He lies and purposefully takes advantage of others to get what he wants, so that he can always be on top, always the winner. His thin-skinned inability to self-regulate causes him to go into a rage whenever he is losing or is threatened to be found out.
Our own collective low self-esteem causes us to elect leaders that also have low-esteem. In "Adventures of Benjamin the Bus," Benjamin got a lesson about the "Man in the Mirror" from Michael Jackson. He was taught that what we see in the world is what is inside of ourselves, and how we treat ourselves will determine how we treat others. If we are filled with self-hatred, it will be easily for us to want to use hate to alleviate our personal suffering. We will then be vulnerable to subscribing to fear based nationalism, racism, sexism, homophobia, and environmental destruction, and we will give obedience to anyone that wages war on these perceived enemies outside of ourselves. Democracy takes a hit when its populace is very insecure and has low-esteem.
On the other hand, when a population collectively has high self-esteem something noticeably changes. Fear does not exist when people feel an intrinsic state of security and value. The needs of the group take precedent over the individual. Altruism and cooperation are highly favored, producing a culture that cares about the well-being and equality of all of its citizens. Such an environment encourages its members to develop their authentic gifts and talents, and fosters their unique sense of selves. When self-esteem is high, creativity soars and productivity is at its best. People are more tuned into their inner knowing and feel more connected to themselves, each other, and to the higher, more infinite consciousness working through them and all around them. There is less indecisiveness and need to be told what to do or how to think when individuals trust their own internal guidance.
This may sound like a liberal utopia, but democracy was founded on this vision of creating the conditions where we could all thrive and be the greatest versions of ourselves. We are a mirror to the state of our democracy. One day when we realize that we are all One, perhaps we will look to ourselves and make the change … the change that will transform our self-esteem and allow love to prevail.
